Over the last year, I've been on a LOT of dates. Some good and some not so good. Here is the list that actually inspired this blog in the first place - most of these are over a year old which is why there isn't a ton of detail but you get the idea.
"In My Face" Frog: This happened not too long after I was newly single and not feeling great about myself or my life. IMFF walked up to me as I was waiting on a friend during happy hour one night at ZTejas. He was tall, dark and handsome and had some kind of exotic accent that was hot - I admit it. He told me I was beautiful and asked for my number....and I have it to him...on a napkin. Textbook bar pick-up. However, he DID call and ask me out on a real date and so we made plans to meet for a drink after work. We met about a week later. I arrived first, sat at the bar, ordered a drink and waited. He came in a few minutes later and plopped down next to me. He then proceeded to spend the next hour leaning in and talking to me with about an inch of space between our faces. I kept leaning back and leaning back but he didn't take the hint. The conversation was all him yapping away and he finally asked, "How do you think this date is going?" My response? "It would be going a lot better if you would back off. I'm going to have to make a chiropractor appointment at this rate." No more dates.
Oh - his name was Hannah. Weird for a guy, right?
"Boring" Frog - We were introduced through mutual friends and met for dinner on our first date. We had a really nice time, he asked me out again and, of course, I said yes! He suggested that we meet on a Sunday for brunch and football. He came to pick me up (in a really big truck...doesn't that mean something?) and takes me to a bar/restaurant where, at 10:00am on a Sunday morning, WE WERE THE ONLY PEOPLE THERE. Now, if it had been my decision, I would've suggested going somewhere else that had a little more action but....no. We stayed, made friends with the half-clothed waitress, ate nachos and watched football. Oh - did I mention he didn't have anything to say? I asked every question under the sun trying to get him to talk. BOR-ING. Then he asked if I wanted to go and walk around Old Town...okay. We happened upon the local Greek festival and I walked in and out of tents, looking at things, etc. He just stood there. BOR-ING.
The best part is - I recently heard that he got some girl pregnant and now they're getting married. BOR-ING.
"Nine Hour Date" Frog - Yep, NINE HOURS. We met online and he lived in New Mexico. Warning for online daters - DON'T BE SEDUCED BY THE PHONE CONVERSATION. I've now had to learn this the hard way - twice. Anyhoo, he made plans to come to town to stay with some friends and we would all go the Cardinals football game together. I admit, it probably wasn't the best plan - long day, meeting for the first time in front of his friends, etc. But here's how it went down.
Hour One - I meet him at his friend's home. I drive up, park and knock on the front door. He opens the door to greet me and the first thought in my head was "Ummmm...you're hair wasn't WHITE in your photo." Awesome - I'm about to spend the day with Bob Barker. I slap a smile on my face and walk into mass chaos. His friends have two little kids, the dad is in and out of the house loading up a truck for this HUGE tailgate they do each game, the mom is complaining that she hit her head yesterday and hasn't felt right since(what?!?), the kids are still in their pajamas and proceed to camp out on my lap and NHDF is just standing there like an idiot.
Hour Two - Dad leaves and Concussion Momma, Pajama Kids and NHDF and I pile in the family mini-van for the trek out to the stadium. Concussion Momma drives.
Hour Three & Four - Arrive at the tailgate where I know no one except NHDF who spends most of the tailgate sampling the 10 kinds of chili and talking to everyone except me.
Hour Five & Six - Finally go into the game! End up sitting with more people I don't know who do make a lovely effort to include me in the conversation. NHDF doesn't say much.
Hour Seven & Eight - Game is over. Head back out to where the tailgate happened to wait for Chaos Family. During the HOUR in which we waited, NHDF tells me that he's a recovering alcholic. Whoa. Dad finally shows up and we "get" to help him drive the bus/winnebago/whatever over to some random guy's backyard where it's stored during the week. I seriously could have ended up buried in the desert and no one would have known.
Hour Nine - Drive back to the friend's house. Get out of the car to say goodbye and endure about 10 minutes of the friend interrogating me about kissing NHDF, if we're going to see each other again, etc. He finally goes inside and I did the fastest peck on the cheek, nice to meet you, exit stage left you've ever seen.
"Italian" Frog - We met on a Sunday morning to watch a little football. I walk into the bar, take a look around and what do I find? Italian frog. Short, hairy, in an Adidas track suit, gold cross around his neck, pinky ring.
Fuggedaboudit.
"Bandera/Book" Frog - Again at ZTejas with girlfriends...what is it with that place? Minding my own business and tall, blonde, preppy guy walks over and introduces himself. Have to give the guy credit that he expressed his interest and gave me his card in front of one of my friends, so I shoot him an email. He invites me out to meet and suggests meeting "at Bandera on Saturday around 4:00pm, in case you have other plans later on". What? Have some confidence, pal! So, we meet at 4pm at Bandera - which is kind of like a Houston's - it's a complete ghost town at that hour and was so awkward because we were obviously on a first date and there was NO ONE else there. I had one glass of wine and watched him eat three appetizers before I told him I actually DID have somewhere to go. I must have sent him an email thanking him for the date but telling him that there wasn't any "romantic" interest on my end. The end, right? WRONG. During the course of our conversation, we talked about some kind of motivational book and, surprise, guess who sent the book to me at my office after I sent the "see ya later" email??
Nice gesture but a tad creepy if you ask me.
"Intimidated" Frog - Picture it - Valentine's Day 2010. Me - single. Him - handsome and just happens to have a reservation at Sassi for Valentine's dinner. A match made in heaven....or not. I will say that dinner was lovely and we couldn't have been in a more romantic spot. We talked about a lot of things - current events, politics, the arts, world travel, etc. As he walks me out to my car, he asks if I would like to see him again and I say, "Well, would you like to see me again?" His response...."Actually, I'm kind of intimidated by you. I mean, I've never really been on a date with someone as smart as you."
That was a first.
"Guy That I Work With" Frog - Okay, okay, we didn't actually work together but this guy must have been separated at birth from a guy that used to work in my office. We met for a drink and, from the first second, I knew I was in trouble. He was meek, passive, agreed with EVERYTHING I said and I felt like if I made any sudden moves he would either pee his pants or faint dead away. I actually excused myself to go to the bathroom where I promptly texted some co-workers to let them know of the situation.
Might have been the shortest date on record.
"MIA" Frog - This was one of those dates that I have no idea what happened to this guy. We met for coffee (well, Diet Coke for me) and had a good conversation. He was divorced and had two kids, was very successful and seemed to be very interested in me. He asked a lot of questions, was a good listener and made several comments about seeing each other again. I told him that the girls in the office were all a-twitter about my dating life and he teased that he would call the main line and try to get the scoop on me. All cute and flirty and fun. He walked me to my car, laid a kiss on me and said "Now you can tell the girls at the office we kissed on our first date." And.....nothing. Not a phone call, not an email, not a text, not a smoke signal.
C'est la vie!
"Nurse" Frog - Now, listen. I've got nothing against male nurses. Honestly. What I DO have a problem with is being asked out on a date only to find out that you're living in your parent's basement, working part-time in an old folks home and not "quite" a nurse yet. Oh yeah, and asking me to pay half the bill.
Does that make me snob and too picky? So be it.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Run-On-Sentence Frog
Okay, we didn't actually go out on a date (nor did I even CONSIDER it) but this very short-lived experience was too good not to tell you about.
After a number of online dating experiences, you become a little more adept about scanning through profiles, ignoring emails and winks and being as selective as you possibly can be.
Here are a few things that drive me crazy:
1. Tons of photos....and the guy is wearing sunglasses in all of them. You're cool. I get it. But I can't trust someone who considers their "best" look to be one where no one can see their eyes.
2. Guys who say they "love to laugh". Ummmm, does anyone HATE to laugh?
3. Spelling errors. I get that you might not be the best speller and/or typer in the world but turn on the spell check or use your "phone a friend" option to review.
4. If you decide to email me, please make it a coherent, interesting email. And please let me know in some way that you actually read my profile - i.e. where I live, interests, etc.
And #4 brings me to "Run-On-Sentence" Frog. He's a 44 year old chap from Flagstaff who already has THREE kids, is divorced and "isn't sure" if he wants more kids. He also went to ASU - not a deal-breaker - but not a point in his favor.
Here's the email he sent (transcribed verbatim - spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar...I can't make this up):
I Hope that this reaches you doing well. I guess I should start of by saying that your smile was the first thing that caught my eye, you have an amazing smile thats warm and full of happiness. And while I do find you quite attractive it was your profile that was the factor in this email. I enjoyed reading what you wrote, you seem to have a great love for life and is a true genuine caring person that enjoys being active and having a good time I also like that we have a lot in common and hope that I will have the oppertunity of getting to know you. I am pretty new at this, and newly back to the southwest, I am looking for someone special to spend my life with. I dont know what your comfort level is or if I will even catch your eye as you did mine but if so, I would like to offer my number as a way to contact me I hope this isnt to bold Tracy
And....here was one of his photos:
I'm sure he's a very nice man with completely honorable intentions but.....SERIOUSLY. What exactly do we have in common?
Lesson I'm trying to learn - There are all sorts of frogs in the pond. Sometimes you catch a great one, sometimes you have to practice catch-and-release and sometimes you have to just skip the trip to the pond.
After a number of online dating experiences, you become a little more adept about scanning through profiles, ignoring emails and winks and being as selective as you possibly can be.
Here are a few things that drive me crazy:
1. Tons of photos....and the guy is wearing sunglasses in all of them. You're cool. I get it. But I can't trust someone who considers their "best" look to be one where no one can see their eyes.
2. Guys who say they "love to laugh". Ummmm, does anyone HATE to laugh?
3. Spelling errors. I get that you might not be the best speller and/or typer in the world but turn on the spell check or use your "phone a friend" option to review.
4. If you decide to email me, please make it a coherent, interesting email. And please let me know in some way that you actually read my profile - i.e. where I live, interests, etc.
And #4 brings me to "Run-On-Sentence" Frog. He's a 44 year old chap from Flagstaff who already has THREE kids, is divorced and "isn't sure" if he wants more kids. He also went to ASU - not a deal-breaker - but not a point in his favor.
Here's the email he sent (transcribed verbatim - spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar...I can't make this up):
I Hope that this reaches you doing well. I guess I should start of by saying that your smile was the first thing that caught my eye, you have an amazing smile thats warm and full of happiness. And while I do find you quite attractive it was your profile that was the factor in this email. I enjoyed reading what you wrote, you seem to have a great love for life and is a true genuine caring person that enjoys being active and having a good time I also like that we have a lot in common and hope that I will have the oppertunity of getting to know you. I am pretty new at this, and newly back to the southwest, I am looking for someone special to spend my life with. I dont know what your comfort level is or if I will even catch your eye as you did mine but if so, I would like to offer my number as a way to contact me I hope this isnt to bold
And....here was one of his photos:
I'm sure he's a very nice man with completely honorable intentions but.....SERIOUSLY. What exactly do we have in common?
Lesson I'm trying to learn - There are all sorts of frogs in the pond. Sometimes you catch a great one, sometimes you have to practice catch-and-release and sometimes you have to just skip the trip to the pond.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Geologist Frog
GEOLOGIST FROG:
I finally gave in and am doing the on-line dating thing. It's weird and fun and exciting and terrifying all at once. Here is the latest from that world.
I recently started communicating with Geologist Frog (G.F) on-line. Nice profile, pretty good looking, good emails, good texts and finally asks me to have a glass of wine. I accept and we make plans to meet at a local wine bar (hint: it used to be a post office). I get there and he has already arrived and we spend some time chatting and waiting for a table.
We move to the table and conversation is pretty good. He tells me about his job (a bunch of info about how water comes into Arizona, how it affects the earth, blah, blah, blah). I tell him about my time as an actress in NYC which he is totally fascinated by and asks be all sorts of questions.
We also get into past relationships and his expereinces with on-line dating. One of the things he brings up is how women have a bad habit of, after meeting someone they don't want to see again, they just never respond to further communication. His recommendation is just to be upfront and honest - tell the guy you don't want to see him anymore and move on. That way, no questions are left unanswered.
We talked for probably 2 1/2 hours which surprised me but it was a good conversation and he was easy to talk to. I was unsure as to whether or not I wanted to see him again - but that question was pretty much answered for me over the next few minutes and days. We get up to leave and head out to valet. The valet brings my car around and G.F. walks me over and, as I turn around to thank him and say good-bye, he basically tries to kiss me - which is fine - except that it wasn't "peck on the lips, I had a nice time kiss"...it was "here comes my tongue and let's get it on kiss"!!!! WHAT?!?! I pull away, smile sheepishly (we're in the middle of the FREAKING parking lot) and G.F. goes in for another! I finally extricate myself and say goodbye. First sign I don't want to see G.F. again.
Next morning - I wake up to a text from G.F. that says "Good morning, sweetie." Awkward. Second sign I don't want to see G.F. again. I don't respond.
Later that day - an email from G.F. that says "Well, that was interesting." Third sign I don't want to see G.F. again. I don't respond.
Next day - I respond. After our conversation about honesty - I am kind but honest. Email to him basically saying - "nice to meet you, not really a romantic connection, best of luck."
G.F. texts back almost immediately: "What a waste of my time and $."
So much for wanting honesty. Fourth sign I don't want to see G.F. again.
Against the advice of a dear friend (YOU WERE RIGHT), I text back: "Wow - for someone who wanted honesty, that's a terribly rude response. Please don't contact me again. You can be certain I won't be contacting you again."
G.F.'s final text back to me: "Get some exercise. Ugh."
And people wonder why I'm not married....
Lesson I'm trying to learn: Honesty IS the best policy and geologists get mad when you don't make out with them.
I finally gave in and am doing the on-line dating thing. It's weird and fun and exciting and terrifying all at once. Here is the latest from that world.
I recently started communicating with Geologist Frog (G.F) on-line. Nice profile, pretty good looking, good emails, good texts and finally asks me to have a glass of wine. I accept and we make plans to meet at a local wine bar (hint: it used to be a post office). I get there and he has already arrived and we spend some time chatting and waiting for a table.
We move to the table and conversation is pretty good. He tells me about his job (a bunch of info about how water comes into Arizona, how it affects the earth, blah, blah, blah). I tell him about my time as an actress in NYC which he is totally fascinated by and asks be all sorts of questions.
We also get into past relationships and his expereinces with on-line dating. One of the things he brings up is how women have a bad habit of, after meeting someone they don't want to see again, they just never respond to further communication. His recommendation is just to be upfront and honest - tell the guy you don't want to see him anymore and move on. That way, no questions are left unanswered.
We talked for probably 2 1/2 hours which surprised me but it was a good conversation and he was easy to talk to. I was unsure as to whether or not I wanted to see him again - but that question was pretty much answered for me over the next few minutes and days. We get up to leave and head out to valet. The valet brings my car around and G.F. walks me over and, as I turn around to thank him and say good-bye, he basically tries to kiss me - which is fine - except that it wasn't "peck on the lips, I had a nice time kiss"...it was "here comes my tongue and let's get it on kiss"!!!! WHAT?!?! I pull away, smile sheepishly (we're in the middle of the FREAKING parking lot) and G.F. goes in for another! I finally extricate myself and say goodbye. First sign I don't want to see G.F. again.
Next morning - I wake up to a text from G.F. that says "Good morning, sweetie." Awkward. Second sign I don't want to see G.F. again. I don't respond.
Later that day - an email from G.F. that says "Well, that was interesting." Third sign I don't want to see G.F. again. I don't respond.
Next day - I respond. After our conversation about honesty - I am kind but honest. Email to him basically saying - "nice to meet you, not really a romantic connection, best of luck."
G.F. texts back almost immediately: "What a waste of my time and $."
So much for wanting honesty. Fourth sign I don't want to see G.F. again.
Against the advice of a dear friend (YOU WERE RIGHT), I text back: "Wow - for someone who wanted honesty, that's a terribly rude response. Please don't contact me again. You can be certain I won't be contacting you again."
G.F.'s final text back to me: "Get some exercise. Ugh."
And people wonder why I'm not married....
Lesson I'm trying to learn: Honesty IS the best policy and geologists get mad when you don't make out with them.
Opthamologist Frog
OPTHAMOLOGIST FROG:
About 6 months ago, a friend I know through work mentioned that she and one of her friends wanted to set me up with someone they knew. I gave them the "go-ahead" and they passed my number on to him.
After a LONG wait, Opthamologist Frog (O.F.) finally called about 3 weeks ago! We had a GREAT conversation - he loves musicals and "Glee", lives near me, has his own business, plays golf, comes from a good family, etc. O.F. then tells me that he's getting ready to go on vacation for 10 days and would I like to get together before he leaves? Sure! So, we make plans to meet for sushi near my house.
In the interim, I get online and "google" him to see what I can find out and if there are any photos. The only photo I come across is a VERY tan, very thin, Asian man running a marathon. And I think to myself, great. O.F. is totally not my type and now I have to get through this dinner and then strangle my friend who obviously will never be allowed to set me up again.
Nevertheless, I get myself looking good and head over to the restaurant. As I walk in, it's very dark but my eyes adjust enough to see him in the bar (he told me he'd be wearing a blue-striped polo). I affix a smile on my face and prepare for the worst. Was I surprised! Not only was O.F. not Asian and not tan but he was TOTALLY my type - tall, dark hair and dark eyes, preppy, handsome, etc. Whew! Crisis averted. We proceed to have a nice dinner, conversation flows, walks me to my car, kisses me goodnight and says that he would definitely like to see me again when he returns from vacation.
I spend the next 10 days buying wedding magazines, booking the ballroom at the Royal Palms, writing our married names on everything I can find...wait....just kidding. Obviously, I was excited about the prospect of things moving forward and seeing him again.
Fast forward to 2 days ago (also 2 days after he had returned). Hadn't heard from him so sent him a quick text - "hope your trip was fun and would like to get together again if you're up for it" - or something to that effect. I get a text in return saying he's been swamped at work but will call me the following evening.
Last night he calls and, after some small talk, proceeds to say the following:
Him: "Thanks for your text. I had a really nice time meeting you but as far as dating goes, I just don't think it will happen."
Me: "Ummmm, ok. Well, thanks for being honest."
Him: "I mean, you're fun to hang out with, so if that happens again, that would be cool."
Me: "Ummmm, ok." "I'm not really sure what to say."
Him: "Well, ok, bye."
Click.
Lesson I'm trying to learn: Not everyone will think you're the cat's meow and never go on a date with someone who is leaving for 10 days.
About 6 months ago, a friend I know through work mentioned that she and one of her friends wanted to set me up with someone they knew. I gave them the "go-ahead" and they passed my number on to him.
After a LONG wait, Opthamologist Frog (O.F.) finally called about 3 weeks ago! We had a GREAT conversation - he loves musicals and "Glee", lives near me, has his own business, plays golf, comes from a good family, etc. O.F. then tells me that he's getting ready to go on vacation for 10 days and would I like to get together before he leaves? Sure! So, we make plans to meet for sushi near my house.
In the interim, I get online and "google" him to see what I can find out and if there are any photos. The only photo I come across is a VERY tan, very thin, Asian man running a marathon. And I think to myself, great. O.F. is totally not my type and now I have to get through this dinner and then strangle my friend who obviously will never be allowed to set me up again.
Nevertheless, I get myself looking good and head over to the restaurant. As I walk in, it's very dark but my eyes adjust enough to see him in the bar (he told me he'd be wearing a blue-striped polo). I affix a smile on my face and prepare for the worst. Was I surprised! Not only was O.F. not Asian and not tan but he was TOTALLY my type - tall, dark hair and dark eyes, preppy, handsome, etc. Whew! Crisis averted. We proceed to have a nice dinner, conversation flows, walks me to my car, kisses me goodnight and says that he would definitely like to see me again when he returns from vacation.
I spend the next 10 days buying wedding magazines, booking the ballroom at the Royal Palms, writing our married names on everything I can find...wait....just kidding. Obviously, I was excited about the prospect of things moving forward and seeing him again.
Fast forward to 2 days ago (also 2 days after he had returned). Hadn't heard from him so sent him a quick text - "hope your trip was fun and would like to get together again if you're up for it" - or something to that effect. I get a text in return saying he's been swamped at work but will call me the following evening.
Last night he calls and, after some small talk, proceeds to say the following:
Him: "Thanks for your text. I had a really nice time meeting you but as far as dating goes, I just don't think it will happen."
Me: "Ummmm, ok. Well, thanks for being honest."
Him: "I mean, you're fun to hang out with, so if that happens again, that would be cool."
Me: "Ummmm, ok."
Him: "Well, ok, bye."
Click.
Lesson I'm trying to learn: Not everyone will think you're the cat's meow and never go on a date with someone who is leaving for 10 days.
Here we go!
After several requests by all of you to start this blog....here it is! I have no idea how interesting/boring/ridiculous/scary it will be but I'm am excited to have all of you along for the ride. Please feel free to comment, add your own stories, offer advice, tell me I'm crazy, etc. Or, if you don't want to know about this rollercoaster ride I'm on, please feel free to tell me and I'll be happy to remove you from the automatic updates.
If you are automatically receiving this, it's because I have you on a distribution list. If you don't want to get notifications when I (or anyone else posts) on here, please let me know and I will remove you.
Lastly, I will make no apologies for anything I say on here in reference to these frogs. I am not a racist, homophobe, ultra-right or ultra-left wing wacko, etc. I'm just giving you my point of view and relaying these stories in an honest and, hopefully, humorous manner.
Happy Reading!
If you are automatically receiving this, it's because I have you on a distribution list. If you don't want to get notifications when I (or anyone else posts) on here, please let me know and I will remove you.
Lastly, I will make no apologies for anything I say on here in reference to these frogs. I am not a racist, homophobe, ultra-right or ultra-left wing wacko, etc. I'm just giving you my point of view and relaying these stories in an honest and, hopefully, humorous manner.
Happy Reading!
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